So, a month's gone by since I quit my old job, which seems to be my constant preoccupation with this blog (believe me, when I find something better to write about, I will. I just have a fantastic hang-up with this transition, currently). Summing it up, I'd give the change positive marks, though the draw-backs are becoming more obvious as time goes by. Writing is up. Money is down. Personal relationships up. Stability down. Exploration up. Confidence down. It's the trade of my safety and complacency for some adventure and change... which I've always dreamed as a better way to live life.
What I did not foresee are the costs of adventure and change. More on that another time, perhaps.
In other, better news, I have taken the first steps towards writing something that I want to keep. It's a story that I've been kicking around in my head and on loose sheets of paper and scraps of Word files (and yes, glorious, glorious Excel) for nearly a decade. I think I've found a form for it that finally locks in and makes sense to me. I hope I do it justice.
In some other, not so better news, my desire to design a boardgame has fractured into about twenty different pieces and I don't have the discipline to focus on one project right now. It's sad really. Something in my head tells me that I could make a fun game in about a week, but I just can't see a single project from start to finish without getting seriously distracted.
But I can't set it aside, because if I do, then quitting my old job would lose meaning. And that bothers me a whole bunch.
Relax a bit on the board game thing, give it room to breathe. Find the balance between perseverance and recognizing if something just isn't the right direction. Saying that quitting your job would lose meaning if you can't design a board game? Ridiculous. That's like saying breaking up with your terrible, abusive girlfriend wouldn't be worth it if you can't make it work with that cute girl at the coffeeshop you've kind of had your eye on but haven't had the nerve to ask out yet.
ReplyDeleteI'm supportive of your exploration into board game design, and it would be fantastic if it works out, but at this stage, I think you're assigning too much importance to it. You didn't quit your job to design board games, you quit your job in order to find something better, to reclaim your life and find a better way to live. That is your "end" right there, not designing board games. Designing board games is just one of many possible "means" to get there.
Good Goddamn, man. Thanks. Of course you're right. Ah, perspective. Isn't it quaint when you see it and otherwise invisible?
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